Echoes
by AlexForrest5
Summary: A random meeting with someone from his past brings up a horrible memory for Noah. Takes place back in early 2008, somewhere between Noah moving into the farm and Ameera showing up. WARNING: graphic child abuse. A story from a few years ago that I'm now uploading here. Hope you enjoy my work - feedback is super-appreciated, including constructive criticism.


"So check this out," Luke said sarcastically as he sat down in front of his boyfriend at their favorite table at Al's. "Faith has been nagging me for days about whether she should ask our mom and dad if she can start dating."

"Wow," said Noah with an amused smile, "Awkward."

"Yeah," agreed Luke, snickering. "And I told her I had no idea, but if she does decide to ask them, she should be prepared for the possibility of them saying no. I mean, she's not exactly that old, is she?"

"No, not really… so what happened?".

"She asked them, and they said no way. And get this – they told her, 'Luke didn't start dating until he was eighteen'."

"You're kidding me!" Noah looked like he was about to burst out laughing.

"How I wish I was…". Luke shook his head disbelievingly, and that was it - Noah started laughing like mad. "And that wasn't it! She actually argued that if I'd met you when I was, say, sixteen, I would have started dating then."

"Yeah… Faith isn't even near sixteen," Noah pointed out.

"Pretty much what my parents said. And then she left the room looking like she was never gonna talk to them again."

"I'm sure she'll get over it," smirked Noah before starting to leaf through his menu.

Luke was in the process of deciding what he, too, wanted to order when a voice he didn't recognize called out, "Noah?".

He looked up. There were two guys about the same age as them standing by their table – one was almost as tall as Noah, with spiky, light brown hair and friendly green eyes, and the other, who had a blonde buzz cut and a noticeably athletic build, was slightly shorter.

Luke's eyes next traveled over to Noah, who apparently knew one of these guys. He expected Noah to recognize the one who had called out to him, but something strange was going on: Noah had frozen. He was staring at the brown-haired guy, who was apparently the one who knew him, with a shocked and positively uncomfortable look. Luke didn't have a clue what was up.

"You do recognize me, right?" said the guy, his affable expression melting into one almost as uncomfortable as Noah's. "Freddie Manning?"

"Yeah…" mumbled Noah, slowly unfreezing. Freddie offered Noah his hand to shake, which Noah hesitantly took. There was major awkwardness in the air that Luke couldn't wrap his head around.

Eventually, Freddie seemed to realize that he'd have to make the introductions. "Noah and I went to school together in Missouri. This is my boyfriend, Seth." He indicated the other guy. Luke shook both Freddie and Seth's hands and greeted them warmly before Noah took Seth's just as awkwardly.

"So what are you guys doing in Oakdale?" Luke wondered.

"We're visiting some friends of mine," Seth explained. "Gotta enjoy that semester break while you've got the chance."

"So, we were just stopping by for lunch, you mind if we sit here?" asked Freddie.

"No, go ahead," said Luke affably enough, though he shot a glance at Noah as he did. Noah, who had barely said a word since the other two guys showed up, seemed rather disconnected from the situation. Luke really wanted to know what was going on, but couldn't bring it up as long as Freddie and Seth were there. He left his chair and sat down next to Noah, allowing the other two to sit down in front of them.

The awkwardness dissipated fairly fast, as it wasn't difficult to find conversation topics with Freddie and Seth, who told them all about life in UCLA. In fact, Seth turned out to be just as much of a sports fan as Luke, and the two quickly started analyzing this year's NBA. Even as he was passionately debating basketball, however, Luke couldn't help noticing that Noah still seemed like his mind was somewhere else. He remained quiet all through lunch, barely taking part in the conversation; in fact, he barely touched the burger he'd ordered, having seemingly lost most of his appetite. Luke was getting worried.

After exchanging phone numbers, as Luke was eager to get together again while Freddie and Seth were still in town, the two couples parted. Luke decided not to say anything to Noah on their way back home, but rather give him the chance to bring it up first if he wanted to. Noah didn't say a word, however, remaining almost entirely silent until they were back at the farm. Once they'd arrived, he turned his back on Luke, walked over to the kitchen window and looked outside, seemingly lost in thought.

Luke spent a long moment debating what to do. It seemed likely that Noah wasn't comfortable talking about whatever was bothering him, but it might do good to at least give him an opening.

"So, uh…" Luke started tentatively. "Do you want to talk about it?". He didn't actually have any idea what 'it' was, but obviously, Noah did.

"No, actually, I don't," said Noah, sounding defeated.

Luke sighed. He walked over to his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind, resting his chin on Noah's shoulder. "Alright. But you know that if you ever wanna talk, I'm here, right?"

"Yeah."

Slowly letting go of Noah, Luke began to leave, but hadn't made it out of the room before he heard Noah calling out his name. He paused and turned around. After a beat, Noah turned around to face him as well.

"It was about three years ago."

*

_Sixteen-year-old Noah Mayer slowly turned the key of the apartment door, waiting until his classmate Freddie Manning had stepped in after him before closing it. "So, uh… this is where I live."_

_Freddie took a few seconds to examine his sparsely furnished surroundings before giving Noah a playfully questioning look. "Wow. And I thought Major Sebastian Manning took the army thing too seriously. Your dad's a neat freak."_

_I know," admitted Noah, smiling a bit shyly. "He's always going on about the military way of life, you know – having only what you need, not wasting money and space on useless things… all that."_

_"Sounds like a load of crap," Freddie chuckled before propping himself down on the one small sofa in the Mayers' living room. Seeing Noah's expression, his face fell. "Wait, I'm sorry… I-I didn't mean to insult your dad."_

_Noah shook his head. "It's okay, really."_

_"No, I know he's a decorated colonel and everything, I shouldn't – "_

_"Really, don't worry about it," Noah assured him, waving his hand. He sat down next to Freddie, noting almost subconsciously how close the two of them were now. They were almost touching. "I love my dad, but he's really hard on me sometimes. I don't even wanna think what he's gonna say when I tell him that I don't want to enlist."_

_"Well, I don't wanna butt in," said Freddie kindly, "But you're gonna have to have that conversation eventually, right? You still got a couple of years to think about what you want – "_

_"Yeah, but I don't think anything's gonna change," Noah said in exasperation, trying not to get distracted by Freddie's gorgeous hair or his lips. "I know how important the army is, really – I admire what my dad and your dad and all of them do. But it's just not for me. All the rules and discipline and always being a good little soldier… I can't stand to think about living like that. I just want to make movies. I think that's what I wanted ever since I was old enough to run around with a camera."_

_"Bet your dad didn't like that," Freddie noted dryly, "Seeing you with the camera and all." Noah nodded in confirmation. "But Noah, you gotta do what you want, you know? So right now we're not even eighteen, we gotta do what the parentals tell us, but it's not always gonna be like that."_

_Noah sighed deeply. He wanted to share even more with Freddie – to admit that yes, what he really wanted was to get the hell out of this military base and live alone in the real world, no longer kept on a leash by his father's endless orders, but he was scared. He didn't know how his father would react upon hearing that his only son was rejecting a career in the army, and was instead going to pursue what the Colonel considered a complete waste of time; from experience, he wasn't going to take it well. But was he ready to open up about all these things?_

_"So," Freddie said suddenly, "While we're on the subject of doing what _we_want, not what other people tell us to… don't you think it's about time we did more than sit here?" as he spoke, Freddie allowed his arm to slide slowly up Noah's back. Noah was struck by goosebumps, the most pleasant he'd ever felt._

_"I don't know about that…" Noah muttered, growing nervous; he hated to think that his cheeks were probably reddening right now. "I know I said we could come down here, but it freaks me out a bit – what if my father shows up?"_

_"You did say he was on some conference on the other side of the base, didn't you?" Freddie noted gently. Noah was starting to feel light-headed from looking into those emerald eyes._

_"Yeah," Noah sighed, looking away from Freddie in an attempt to regain his composure. "It's just… I'm kind of scared to do this." He hated himself for letting his vulnerability show; it was just that Freddie was so nice and understanding, so different from Col. Mayer, and it was an unbelievable relief to be able to express his emotions openly without fear of being judged. For once, Noah could just be himself and not have to worry if it was "military" enough._

_"Look, I don't wanna pressure you," Freddie assured him. "I know you're still dealing with all of this… we don't have to do anything if you don't – "_

_Before he knew what he was doing, Noah leaned forward and pressed his lips to the other boy's. At first the contact was mild, just enough that he could feel Freddie's lips. Then their mouths were meeting again, and again, passion beginning to enter it, and Noah was overwhelmed by how good those lips tasted. _

_When they pulled away, both were breathless. Noah felt almost transformed by the experience, like doing something he had wanted to do but was unable to for so long had turned him into a different person._

_"Was that really your first, Mayer?" teased Freddie, in between attempts to catch his breath. "Cause I gotta tell you, you're not half bad."_

_"Then let's practice some more," Noah excitedly grinned, and Freddie, not needing to be told twice, dove right in for another kiss. Noah could hardly believe how good this felt – he'd imagined it to be pretty awesome, but doing it for real was a whole different story – and found that he was feeling more daring. Hesitating only for a second, he slowly opened his mouth for Freddie, his hands cupping the back of Freddie's head –_

_"_Noah._"_

_As though he'd been hit squarely by a lightning bolt, because the effect was just as jarring, Noah broke off the kiss immediately and jumped to his feet. In the millisecond before his horrified eyes landed on the doorway, he hoped his ears had deceived him, but he was not so fortunate. Col. Mayer was standing at the door, complete and utter shock etched into his features._

_"Dad," Noah almost whispered, not knowing what on earth to say. He could feel Freddie springing to his feet as well, but didn't dare look at him._

_For several seconds, no one said anything. Noah's heart was thumping so fast against his chest that it was hard to continue standing. He could feel beads of sweat form on his forehead._

_The Colonel slowly stepped closer to the two boys. Noah did not move an inch. "My conference was cut short, and this is what I come home to? Would you mind explaining yourself, Noah?"_

_"Dad, I-I-I'm sorry," Noah stuttered, trying to keep himself from shaking all over. The fury in his father's glare was such that he could barely look him in the eye, let alone continue talking._

_"Col. Mayer, this whole thing is my fault," Freddie said suddenly, and a thunder-struck Noah half-turned his head in Freddie's direction. "I asked Noah if I could come over, he didn't – "_

_His sentence was cut short when the Colonel grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. _

_"Dad!" Noah exclaimed, horrified, but the Colonel did not pay him any mind, choosing instead to drag Freddie over to the entrance. A voice inside Noah was screaming that he should do something, help his friend, but he was paralyzed by pure fear and simply watched as his father threw Freddie out of the door._

_"Listen to me carefully, boy, because I will not be saying it again," the Colonel breathed, with menace etched into every syllable. "You are to stay away from my son. If I ever find out that you've been here again, you will truly regret it, do you understand?"_

_Out of his mind with fear, Freddie nodded before picking himself off the floor and running away. Col. Mayer continued to gaze in his direction for another couple of seconds, before slamming the door shut and rounding on his son. Noah found that he couldn't talk, couldn't move, could barely breathe._

_The Colonel's expression was inscrutable. After examining Noah impassively for a beat, he shook his head. "All the hard work I put into raising you," he said slowly, "And you decided to just throw away the most important lessons." A pause, then, "Wait here."_

_There was not a chance in hell that Noah would disobey this order. As his father left the room, he began trembling from head to foot, feeling like he might pass out at any moment._ _After a minute, the Colonel returned, holding one of his leather belts. "Take off your shirt, Noah."_

_Noah's eyes widened in alarm. This hadn't happened in a long time; he'd begun to hope that maybe he had grown too old for it, and his father was never going to do it again. But it was happening now. If breathing had been difficult before, it was next to impossible now, terror flooding every fiber of his being._

_"Dad – Dad, no, please," he begged, his jaw quivering. "I'm really sorry – I-I swear, it'll never happen again – "_

_"Take off your shirt," the Colonel repeated calmly, as though Noah had not spoken at all. His indifferent tone terrified Noah even more than if he'd yelled in the rage he must have been feeling. _

_Realizing he had no choice, and unable to stop his shaking now, Noah began to remove the grey polo shirt he was wearing, doing it as slowly as possible in the hopes of stalling. But his father showed no signs of having a change of heart, eyeing him just as impassively as Noah laid his shirt on the coffee table (he wasn't supposed to just throw it on the floor). Knowing what he had to do, Noah turned around and bent over, squeezing his eyes shut as tightly as he could. He tried to tell himself that it'll be over quickly._

_And then leather was snapping against the bare skin of his back, the pain as sharp and terrible as ever. Noah struggled to remain still and silent; he couldn't afford to make his father even angrier. With every hit he took, he prayed for it to be over, for his father to grow tired of it, for the damn phone to ring… something… anything. But his father seemed more intent on punishing him than ever before, because as far as Noah could tell through the grip of this sickening pain, the Colonel had never hit him for that long before. But he wasn't showing any restraint now, smacking the belt against his son's skin over and over again until Noah could feel blood on his back._

_Then it was over. At this point, Noah could no longer hold still and sank to his knees. The bliss of kissing Freddie mere minutes ago seemed like a part of another lifetime now, of a different world, one that had nothing whatsoever to do with Noah's current misery._

_"Go get cleaned up," the Colonel said harshly, before leaving the room to head into his study._

_Aching all over, Noah slowly stood up, his legs barely able to support his weight. He grabbed his shirt and walked into the bathroom, disposing of his remaining clothes before stepping in the shower. As the water hit Noah's body, making his fresh wounds sting, his only comfort was that the noise from the hot spray kept his father from hearing him crying._

_*_

"Because if he'd heard me crying, that would probably be another round of beating," Noah finished.

Luke's jaw had quite literally dropped upon hearing the story. From the bits he'd seen and heard in the past, he could only guess how hard Noah's childhood had been, how horribly he'd been mistreated by the Colonel – but this was worse than he could have ever imagined.

"Oh my God, Noah…" Completely lost for words, not having anything to say that could possibly make it better, Luke resorted to throwing his arms around Noah and holding him as tightly as though he was hanging on to dear life. "I am so sorry…" he whispered into Noah's shoulder.

They stayed like that for a long moment. When eventually they broke off the hug, Noah mumbled, "After that day, I started doing everything I could to change. I flirted with half the girls at school, I even looked at porn magazines, which was really awkward…" he laughed nervously. "My father started to drop those hints about how he was thinking of sending me to one of those special camps, you know, to 'fix me'… I still don't know why he didn't. Maybe he was too ashamed to admit that his military education wasn't enough to keep his son from being gay."

Fury coursed through Luke's veins at hearing this. He was itching to start calling the Colonel names that were only allowed on cable television, but knew it would probably not make Noah feel better. It was one thing for Col. Mayer to have done what he had to Luke, a stranger, but the eighteen years of misery he had inflicted on his own son… the man Luke loved… Luke's blood boiled. Had the Colonel been near, Luke could have killed the fucking bigot with his bare hands. Heck, driving up to Statesville to do it didn't seem like such a bad idea.

"Anyway," Noah continued, "When I came here and met Maddie, she was just so sweet to me, and she was into old movies, too, and… I really thought I could make it work with her. I _had_ to make it work, because being gay was just not an option, not in my world. I tried so hard to be attracted to her, to love her, but - in the end of the day it was always you. And I hated myself for it."

Luke slapped a hand to his forehead. "And I kept telling you what a hypocrite and a coward you were for not coming out. God, I'm a jackass."

"You're not," Noah noted gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. "That stuff would have caught up with me sooner or later… I couldn't keep lying forever – especially not to myself. You were just trying to help."

They fell silent for a few moments. Eventually, Noah began talking again. "Anyway, I just can't stand to look Freddie in the eye and think about what happened that day. I'm so ashamed of myself for just standing there and not doing anything to help him."

"Noah, you were sixteen," Luke insisted, indignant on Noah's behalf. "What were you supposed to do, get into a fistfight with your father?"

"I don't know," Noah grumbled, "Even if that's true, it's still _my_ father who did that to him. It's a wonder Freddie even bothered to say hi to me at all."

Luke thought privately that it was astounding for Noah to be concerned about Freddie's feelings when Noah himself had just recounted such a traumatic experience, but he preferred not to bring it up. Instead, he pointed out, "Why does this ring a bell to me, Noah? Oh, right - because it's exactly what you said to me after your father shot me. When are you gonna understand that people see you for the amazing guy you are… not the scumbag your father is. I'm sorry," he hastened to add, "But it's the truth."

Noah gave a sad chuckle. "I know it is. Believe me – despite everything, I've tried so hard to pretend that he was this noble man, but after what he did to you, that's all over. He's a monster, and that's just something I'm gonna have to learn to live with."

"I'm sorry," Luke mumbled, his heart breaking for Noah yet again. "But I promise, it'll get easier over time. And just so you know…" he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's neck, looking deep into Noah's blue orbs, "You're my hero, Noah."

"For what?" asked Noah shyly.

"For everything," Luke said simply, before pulling him into a long, intense kiss.

*

After hearing Noah's story, Luke had serious reservations about getting together with Freddie and Seth again, like he'd planned; he didn't want to open any more of Noah's old wounds. However, Noah surprised him by tentatively saying it might be better for him to try and patch things up with Freddie. Since the Bulls were playing the Kings the following evening (Luke supporting the former, of course), Luke made the suggestion of inviting their friends to dinner at the farm, followed by watching the game.

Thankfully, Luke's grandmother was all for the idea, and Freddie and Seth accepted their invitation as well. Dinner was a very enjoyable affair, with Freddie entertaining Luke's entire family with college stories, and both guests openly admiring Emma's cooking. Luke was relieved to note that while Noah was still among the quieter people around the table, he seemed to be more relaxed and having a good time now.

After dinner, the four of them sat down in front of the TV to watch the game. It wasn't long before any sort of conversation with Luke and Seth, who were both yelling and cheering in between arguments about statistics, became literally impossible. Noah smiled to himself; that was his boyfriend, all right.

It wasn't long before they were out of sodas, and Noah volunteered to go get more, not that he was sure anyone was listening to him at this point. He had just gathered the bottles in his hands when he heard Freddie. "Hey."

Noah turned around to find his old friend standing there. "Hey." He handed Freddie a soda. Uncomfortable silence followed.

"Listen," Freddie carefully offered, "I know why you reacted the way you did when you saw me yesterday. You were thinking about that day I came home with you… was that three years ago?"

"Give or take," Noah nodded solemnly. He didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry I fell off the face of the earth after that. I was scared to death of even talking to you again."

"_You're_ sorry?" Noah asked incredulously. "The whole thing was my fault… me and my psycho dad."

"I can't imagine what it was like for you to grow up with him," Freddie shook his head sympathetically. "But hey, that's all over, isn't it? You're living here, you've got a great boyfriend, you're doing your own thing… I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks," Noah smiled slightly.

Freddie took a moment to consider his next question before launching it. "Listen, if I'm intruding, just tell me to shut up, but… I was wondering, how did the Colonel take it when he realized you were gay and that was it? Did he cut off ties with you because of that?"

A dark shadow passed over Noah's face. "Actually, it was a bit more complicated than that." After a beat, he added, "He tried to kill Luke."

Freddie stared at him as though he hadn't heard right. "He – _what_?"

"He was convinced that Luke, uh, _recruited_ me or something, so he thought he could 'save' me if he just got rid of him." Noah spoke in a matter-of-fact voice, as though he found the whole thing to be amusing.

It took several seconds for Freddie to recover from the shock. "I can't believe he did that. I wouldn't have believed something like that even of him."

Noah shrugged. "You saw what he's like. He decided to make a man out of me, end of story… anyone who got in the way paid the price." He decided against telling Freddie about his mother being murdered by the Colonel as well. There was only so much he could deal with at the moment.

"I wonder why my folks never told me about this," Freddie said eventually. "They knew your father at Ft. Leonard Wood, they were probably shocked when the news about him came out."

"Speaking of your parents," Noah wondered, "If you don't mind my asking… what happened when you came out to them?"

Freddie bit his lip before replying. "I only did it a couple of months before I left home for L.A., actually. I don't know – I couldn't work up the courage to tell them before, but I decided I had to do it before I left."

"And… were they angry with you?"

It was Freddie's turn to shrug. "They were disappointed. They said it was my choice what to do with my life, but that this wouldn't make me or them happy. I told them I wasn't making any kind of choice, it was just a given, but I don't think they were really convinced."

"I'm sorry," said Noah quietly.

"It could have been worse," reasoned Freddie, "Look at your dad, and a lot of others. And I don't know if my mom and dad will ever really be okay with me the way I am, but I think it's getting better… you know, baby steps."

They held each other's gaze for a long moment. Eventually, Freddie sincerely said, "You know, I really liked you, Noah. And I still think it's a shame we never got a chance together. But…" he swiveled his head around to look at Luke and Seth, who were still focused completely on the game, currently going ecstatic over a particularly impressive slam dunk. "In a way, I think everything turned out for the best."

A wide smile spread on Noah's face as he also eyed his and Freddie's boyfriends from across the room. "Yeah… it did."

- End


End file.
